This post is a continuation of my experiences with mental health myths and facts. All the myths I quote in these posts are taken verbatim from Mental Health Myths and Facts on the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services at mentalhealth.gov.
Myth: Personality weakness or character flaws cause mental health problems. People with mental health problems can snap out of it if they try hard enough.
Another common myth of mental illness is that if people just try harder they can overcome their mental illness. I see this one all the time. In fact, sometimes I believe this one myself. Sure, there are things in my control that can help me avoid or mitigate symptoms of bipolar, but I often blame myself for things I can't control. I think: if I just try harder, I won't feel depressed, or have a manic episode. I'm certainly not perfect, but sometimes it seems I'm doing everything right and I still cycle into a manic or depressive episode.
People saying: just take your pills, just go to therapy, just cheer up -- Definitely doesn't help. I take my pills. I go to therapy. I try to set up boundaries to keep when I cycle into a manic state. If there were a magic formula to make my symptoms of bipolar disappear, I'd've done my best to it and use it.
While some may not necessarily believe this myth, their actions make it seem that way. Mental illness is not caused by some defect of character or lack of effort. There's a fine line between supporting a friend or family member, and making her and him feel she or he is not trying hard enough.
Attitudes supporting this myth occur intentionally and accidentally. Clearly, telling someone to, "just get over it," would be crossing the line. Telling someone, "it's all in your head," is also crossing that line. While those things are obvious, there are more subtle ways you may make people think you believe this myth.
Telling a story about how you felt sad or anxious once but then did something about it and are now recovered probably won't be helpful -- especially if you don't have a mental illness yourself. Giving advice and how that person should deal with her or his mental illness may also make them feel like you think they are not trying hard enough.
The tough thing about this myth is that sometimes people succumb to it with the best intentions. They want to help. They want to see their friends or family members recover, so they offer advice they think will help them recover.
I'm not saying all advice is bad and that all those who offer advice believe that people with mental illness are victims of their own making. Some advice can be good and helpful, but I'd encourage those who feel the need to give advice to wait until they are asked for advice.
There are, however, some instances where giving advice is necessary whether the person is asking or not. You are not falling prey to the myth when you give advice to someone who is clearly in distress or, especially, if you feel they are in danger of hurting themselves or someone else.
I read a story about a young woman who was frustrated that her friends would give her advice about dealing with her anxiety. She wrote how she only wanted to cope with and talk about her anxiety with her therapist. A lot of what she said rang true, but I also got the feeling that she was being stubborn and possibly missing out on good advice.
She said that her friends would tell her to take deep breaths when she was losing control of her emotions and nearing a state of panic. She would not take deep breaths because she knew it wouldn't work. While she might not realize it, her friends were giving her good advice. If she was starting to hyperventilate from anxiety, she should be taking slow, deep breaths. It may not make her feel better right away, but there's a good chance it would keep her symptoms from getting worse.
But here's the rub: she'd probably received too much unsolicited advice, so when she heard good advice, she tuned it out. This is not uncommon for those who feel others are judging them for their mental illness. Mental health has both environmental and biological factors, so many people diagnosed with a mental illness will be dealing with the symptoms of that illness for their entire lives. No amount of advice, medications, or therapy is going to make those symptoms go away forever.
So, be careful with giving advice. Don't make people feel like you're judging them and that they are somehow to blame for their mental illness. And those experiencing mental health issues: be gracious. Ask for advice on occasion, and try not to get offended by unsolicited advice. Usually, someone just wants to help.
If you do feel like giving some advice for maintaining or improving mental health, what is it? I'm soliciting your opinion: What is something you do to stay mentally healthy?
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