Hospital Anniversary: Don't Feel Bad for Me

Year seven of being hospital-free. It's a big milestone, and I've been blessed to stay well enough to not be hospitalized. There is something I want to address: pity.

It's a common phrase: don't feel bad for me. I understand where it's coming from. Some people just don't want anyone to feel pity for them. But, some people constantly want other people to feel bad for them. Neither one of these ends of the pity spectrum are healthy.

If one is constantly saying they don't want anyone to feel bad for them, they may miss out on sympathy and support that can feel good. If one is constantly trying to make others feel bad for them, they may wear out their friends and loved ones.

Having a mental illness sometimes makes this issue tricky for me. On the one hand, I don't want people worrying about me, so sometimes I don't let people know when I'm having a hard time. On the other, I don't want to wear out my friends and family by constantly telling them about my symptoms.

As I've gone through depressive, manic/hypomanic, and mixed state phases, there are things I've done and said that I wouldn't normally when I'm balanced. Same goes for meeting expectations and obligations.

For example, when I was a confirmation mentor at our church, a couple different times I asked a parent to chaperone a trip rather than doing it myself because I was feeling symptomatic.

I want to do better. I'd like to do a better job at meeting expectations and not saying thoughtless things just because I'm cycling.

It's nice to be able to have this blog as an outlet for describing what I'm going through. Thank you to all my readers and especially to my friends and family who have stuck by me when I've done and said things out of character. I am truly blessed with a wonderful support system, and I know not everyone with mental illness can say that.

So again, thank you readers for giving me that outlet, and thanks to family and friends who have loved and supported me. I am truly blessed.

Mental Illness and Character

Can people give themselves a mental illness? Some think so. Some think that mental illness can be caused by a lack of motivation or poor character. Some think that one can overcome a mental illness by trying harder or thinking differently.

People with mental illnesses can even fall into this category. They think that if only they try harder, their depression, anxiety, or other mental illness will get better.

It is true that there are things people can do to improve their mental illnesses. Taking their medications as prescribed, keeping healthy sleep habits, eating a healthy diet, and spending time connecting with friends are a few ways to manage a mental illness.

But in answer to the question of giving themselves a mental illness, the answer is, "no." While there are things one can do to mitigate mental illness and even get past certain mental illnesses, people aren't out there "giving themselves" mental illnesses.

When people say that others have given themselves mental illnesses, they should consider what would happen to them if they had a mental illness. From the outside, many with mental illnesses look like they are not doing well. They may not have stable relationships, or they may have a hard time staying employed. But it's easy for those without mental illness to look down on them. 

What, however, would it look like for those who don't struggle with mental illness to have a mental illness? They might not be as successful in life. They might not have the relationships they enjoy.

People with mental illness deserve compassion and understanding, not judgment and blame. When thinking about those with mental illness, people should take a pause and consider the struggles mental illness brings, not pass judgment or blame.

Be well.

Goal Update

It’s New Year’s Day, a time to make some goals, or, in my case, give an update of the goals I made on my birthday. Here goes:

1. Run a marathon.

No progress on this one. I need to pick one out and register for it.

2. Do strength and mobility work at least 45 minutes a week.

I’m on track for this one. I’m averaging 53 minutes a week

3. Break 19:15 in the 5K

I probably won’t race a 5K until May, but I know right now that I’d be lucky to break 20:30.

4. Run 1,000 miles for the year.

I need to average 3.74 miles a day for this one, and right now I’m averaging 3.3 miles-a-day, so I’m on track. I did, however, have a little procedure that will have me out of commission for a couple weeks, so I’ll have to do some catch up. 

5. Hit race weight by May and maintain for the year.

My weight’s gone up and down with the holidays. I’m not making progress as fast as I want, this goal is still doable. 

6. Write 12 blog posts.

I’ve got a couple posts sitting in my drafts folder, so I’ll be on track for this one soon.

Two months into by 42nd year, and I’m feeling pretty good about my goals. I’m looking forward to staying on track for the rest of the year.