Hospital Anniversary: Don't Feel Bad for Me

Year seven of being hospital-free. It's a big milestone, and I've been blessed to stay well enough to not be hospitalized. There is something I want to address: pity.

It's a common phrase: don't feel bad for me. I understand where it's coming from. Some people just don't want anyone to feel pity for them. But, some people constantly want other people to feel bad for them. Neither one of these ends of the pity spectrum are healthy.

If one is constantly saying they don't want anyone to feel bad for them, they may miss out on sympathy and support that can feel good. If one is constantly trying to make others feel bad for them, they may wear out their friends and loved ones.

Having a mental illness sometimes makes this issue tricky for me. On the one hand, I don't want people worrying about me, so sometimes I don't let people know when I'm having a hard time. On the other, I don't want to wear out my friends and family by constantly telling them about my symptoms.

As I've gone through depressive, manic/hypomanic, and mixed state phases, there are things I've done and said that I wouldn't normally when I'm balanced. Same goes for meeting expectations and obligations.

For example, when I was a confirmation mentor at our church, a couple different times I asked a parent to chaperone a trip rather than doing it myself because I was feeling symptomatic.

I want to do better. I'd like to do a better job at meeting expectations and not saying thoughtless things just because I'm cycling.

It's nice to be able to have this blog as an outlet for describing what I'm going through. Thank you to all my readers and especially to my friends and family who have stuck by me when I've done and said things out of character. I am truly blessed with a wonderful support system, and I know not everyone with mental illness can say that.

So again, thank you readers for giving me that outlet, and thanks to family and friends who have loved and supported me. I am truly blessed.