Thursday, February 22, 2024

Hospital Anniversary: Don't Feel Bad for Me

Year seven of being hospital-free. It's a big milestone, and I've been blessed to stay well enough to not be hospitalized. There is something I want to address: pity.

It's a common phrase: don't feel bad for me. I understand where it's coming from. Some people just don't want anyone to feel pity for them. But, some people constantly want other people to feel bad for them. Neither one of these ends of the pity spectrum are healthy.

If one is constantly saying they don't want anyone to feel bad for them, they may miss out on sympathy and support that can feel good. If one is constantly trying to make others feel bad for them, they may wear out their friends and loved ones.

Having a mental illness sometimes makes this issue tricky for me. On the one hand, I don't want people worrying about me, so sometimes I don't let people know when I'm having a hard time. On the other, I don't want to wear out my friends and family by constantly telling them about my symptoms.

As I've gone through depressive, manic/hypomanic, and mixed state phases, there are things I've done and said that I wouldn't normally when I'm balanced. Same goes for meeting expectations and obligations.

For example, when I was a confirmation mentor at our church, a couple different times I asked a parent to chaperone a trip rather than doing it myself because I was feeling symptomatic.

I want to do better. I'd like to do a better job at meeting expectations and not saying thoughtless things just because I'm cycling.

It's nice to be able to have this blog as an outlet for describing what I'm going through. Thank you to all my readers and especially to my friends and family who have stuck by me when I've done and said things out of character. I am truly blessed with a wonderful support system, and I know not everyone with mental illness can say that.

So again, thank you readers for giving me that outlet, and thanks to family and friends who have loved and supported me. I am truly blessed.

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Mental Illness and Character

Can people give themselves a mental illness? Some think so. Some think that mental illness can be caused by a lack of motivation or poor character. Some think that one can overcome a mental illness by trying harder or thinking differently.

People with mental illnesses can even fall into this category. They think that if only they try harder, their depression, anxiety, or other mental illness will get better.

It is true that there are things people can do to improve their mental illnesses. Taking their medications as prescribed, keeping healthy sleep habits, eating a healthy diet, and spending time connecting with friends are a few ways to manage a mental illness.

But in answer to the question of giving themselves a mental illness, the answer is, "no." While there are things one can do to mitigate mental illness and even get past certain mental illnesses, people aren't out there "giving themselves" mental illnesses.

When people say that others have given themselves mental illnesses, they should consider what would happen to them if they had a mental illness. From the outside, many with mental illnesses look like they are not doing well. They may not have stable relationships, or they may have a hard time staying employed. But it's easy for those without mental illness to look down on them. 

What, however, would it look like for those who don't struggle with mental illness to have a mental illness? They might not be as successful in life. They might not have the relationships they enjoy.

People with mental illness deserve compassion and understanding, not judgment and blame. When thinking about those with mental illness, people should take a pause and consider the struggles mental illness brings, not pass judgment or blame.

Be well.

Monday, January 1, 2024

Goal Update



It’s New Year’s Day, a time to make some goals, or, in my case, give an update of the goals I made on my birthday. Here goes:

1. Run a marathon.

No progress on this one. I need to pick one out and register for it.

2. Do strength and mobility work at least 45 minutes a week.

I’m on track for this one. I’m averaging 53 minutes a week

3. Break 19:15 in the 5K

I probably won’t race a 5K until May, but I know right now that I’d be lucky to break 20:30.

4. Run 1,000 miles for the year.

I need to average 3.74 miles a day for this one, and right now I’m averaging 3.3 miles-a-day, so I’m on track. I did, however, have a little procedure that will have me out of commission for a couple weeks, so I’ll have to do some catch up. 

5. Hit race weight by May and maintain for the year.

My weight’s gone up and down with the holidays. I’m not making progress as fast as I want, this goal is still doable. 

6. Write 12 blog posts.

I’ve got a couple posts sitting in my drafts folder, so I’ll be on track for this one soon.

Two months into by 42nd year, and I’m feeling pretty good about my goals. I’m looking forward to staying on track for the rest of the year.

Sunday, November 5, 2023

Birthday Goals


Back in January, I wrote a draft post of my goals for the year. As I haven't spent much time on this blog the past couple years, I never published it.

This year, as I reflected on another orbit around the sun, I thought I'd solidify some of those goals and a couple new ones for a birthday year rather than a New Year goal.

First off, I enjoyed my birthday very much. I spent the day before my birthday running the Chocoholic Frolic 5K with my 7 year old. I then went for another run after we got home and followed up with a buffet lunch at Bay Leaf Indian Cuisine. We ended the evening watching "Enchanted." Today I got breakfast in bed and enjoyed an extra hour of sleep.

On to the goals for the next year.

1. Run a marathon.

I got a little bummed about my marathoning. I thought I had run a marathon every year since 2009, but it turns out I'd missed 2021. I did run a marathon in 2022, so I'm ready to start a new streak. Next weekend I run the Madison Marathon, so barring a DNF I'll meet this goal.

2. Do strength and mobility work at least 45 minutes a week.

The downside to this goal is tracking the workouts. Rather than doing longer sessions, I spread my strength and mobility into lots of small workouts, so it's a little tedious recording every workout.

3. Break 19:15 in the 5K

It's a far (very far) cry from my PR, but it'll be the fastest 5K I've run in a few years. I ran a 19:25 in August, so it's definitely doable.

4. Run 1,000 miles for the year.

5. Hit race weight by May and maintain for the year.

6. Write 12 blog posts.

I've been neglecting this blog for too long, and I'd like to stop neglecting it.

That's all for the year. Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes and a special thanks to those who donated to my birthday fundraiser for World Vision.

Sunday, September 17, 2023

Pride

While the English language can be imprecise and fickle, it is nice that there are synonyms for words that help refine and differentiate meaning.

Take arrogant. It has a negative connotation, but words in the same family have different degrees of emotional responses — bravado, confident, pompous — you get the idea.

After running the Boston Marathon in 2011, I would tell people, "I won't run Boston again until I'm 40." Running fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon assumed a lot. It assumed I'd stay healthy enough to be able to maintain an adequate training volume. It assumed I'd have enough time to put in the training necessary.

At the time, I didn't think twice about assuming I'd qualify for the Boston Marathon. Right now, my qualifying time would be under 3:10. My first Boston Marathon qualifying time (BQ) was 3:10 and I ran a 3:02 when trying to qualify. In subsequent marathons I ran 2:59, 2:50, 2:58, 3:03, and 3:04 — all of which would have been BQs.

I then had a couple of marathons in which the courses were mismarked and/or mismeasured, which would have also been BQs. But after that, with injuries and lack of time to train, I was no longer running BQs. I ran a 3:07 (which would qualify me now but not at the time I ran it), 3:20, and 3:14.  

So, in retrospect, it was arrogant of me to assume qualifying for Boston would be easily attainable when I was 40. It obviously wasn't.

It's good though. A little dose of humility doesn't hurt at all.

Run well.

Tuesday, July 18, 2023

Big Beach Half Marathon


One of this year's destination races was the Big Beach Half Marathon in Gulf Shores, Alabama. The morning of the race we got ready in Laura's parents' condo. I had packed a couple of neon green shirts and threw one on.

Almost everything about the race was perfect — nice weather, scenic course, well organized. The post-race offerings were amazing. There were the traditional offerings of orange slices and bananas, but there was also a box lunch of a large wrap (Laura got ham, and I got veggie), gumbo, chips, and a cookie along with two beer tokens (we only used one each).

I also had a great time running the entire race with Laura. It was awesome being able to chat with her for the race.

While almost everything about the race was excellent, it didn't all go well.

Around three miles into the race we went by a pace group. "Nice job 2:50," I cheered. Normally I get at least some smiles a waves, but instead I got confused looks.

As we passed another pace group, some said, "Are you a pacer?" "No," I said. "Just the same color shirt."

After this happened again, we figured out what was happening. I was wearing a shirt from when I paced City of Lakes Half Marathon. Not only was it the same color as the shirts the Big Beach pacers were wearing, it also said "pacer" on the back.

Once we'd made that connection, I turned my shirt around backwards and ran the rest of the racer with the "pacer" sign on front to reduce the confusion to other runners. 

I blame my wardrobe faux pas on getting dressed at five in the morning and not planning my race kit beforehand.

Still, it was an awesome race, and Laura, who's going to run a half marathon in every state, checked Alabama off the list. I'd definitely do this race again. 

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Back from Hiatus

This wasn't planned. I didn't decide one day that I would write one post this calendar year after writing my fewest posts in a year since I started this blog. I just didn't make it a priority. It's been four months since I wrote a post and it'd been almost three months since I'd written a post before that one.

I didn't do a year-end wrap-up of my goals or make new goals for this year. But I want to get back at it, so in the next week I'll share some favorite highlights of the year.

My big running highlights were running a fifty mile week for the first time in a long time, running a half marathon in Alabama with Laura (more on that race soon), and breaking twenty minutes in the 5K for the first time since 2021. It's sometimes depressing running times so much slower than my previous PRs, but I try to keep in mind that I'm older and with two kids I don't have as much time to train.


The biggest highlight is that my oldest kiddo, who's seven, ran his first 5K. It started out with him running with his mom at parkrun. He planned on running just part of the race, but he decided to keep going and ended up finishing. He didn't even want to walk any of it! He's done 4 more since, and he's really been enjoying it.

Laura and I are registered for the Twilight Red Rock Canyon Half Marathon in October in Nevada just outside Vegas. We're really looking forward to this unique race. Check out the link to read about it.