Improving Mental Health: Personalization

This post is part of a series about cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

The PositivePsychologyProgram website describes the Personalization distortion as:

taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself for no logical reason to believe you are to blame. This distortion covers a wide range of situations, from assuming you are the reason a friend did not enjoy the girl’s night out because of you, to the more severe examples of believing that you are the cause for every instance of moodiness or irritation in those around you.

I see this one most commonly in relationships. How often have you found yourself asking someone, or thinking, "Are you mad at me?" I think it's not at all unusual to deal with Personalization, especially if you have past experiences where you were blamed for things that were not your fault.

Like many of the other cognitive distortions, Personalization can be attacked with facts. Rather than assign yourself blame for every negative situation that arises, find other reasons why someone's behavior is negative that don't involve your.

Unresolved conflict can also be a reason for Personalization. Rather than let conflict fester and assign yourself all the blame for a disagreement, find positive ways for resolving that conflict. A good resource for resolving conflict can be found at the Huffington Post Life Blog, "10 Tips for Resolving Conflict." A key quote for this article: "If handled effectively, conflict can be an opportunity for learning, growth and positive change."

Don't let Personalization control your relationships and self-esteem. Believing you are always at fault will lead to depression and anxiety about your relationships. Take control and instead find ways to depersonalize and empower yourself.

Thanks for reading.