Slumps

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Ever been in a slump? I’ve been stuck in one for a while. Really it’s been two slumps—sleeping too much and rudderless running.

The rudderless running isn’t too bad since I don’t need to start a real training plan until February, but I’m still running less than I want to. Part of it has been a time thing, but part of it has been a lack of motivation. 

The sleep thing has been more of a bother. Since.I made a medication change last July, sleeping too much has been a problem. If I let myself, I’ll sleep 10+ hours a night.

I should be able to get past my sleep slump. Once I’m awake for an hour or so on the days when I do force myself out of bed, I usually feel fine. Still, it’s so easy to hit snooze and sleep as late as I possibly can to get to work on time.

I’m hoping that a visit to the nurse practioner that manages my medications will mean I can reduce the dose of one of my drugs. I think that’ll make a difference and make it easier to get up in the morning.

As for running, I’m going to set myself up a training schedule, even though I’m not training for anything in particular. I don’t do great running just for running’s sake, so setting a goal of being as fit as possible to run with the track athletes I help coach in the spring would be a good start.

What do you do when you experience a slump? What gets you out if it? I’d love to hear from you.

Improving Mental Health: Heaven's Reward Fallacy

This post is part of a series about cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

One common cognitive distortion that everyone succumbs to from time to time is the Heaven's Reward Fallacy. The PositivePsychologyProgram website writes the following about the Heaven's Reward Fallacy:

This distortion is a popular one, particularly with the myriad examples of this fallacy playing out on big and small screens across the world. The “Heaven’s Reward Fallacy” manifests as a belief that one’s struggles, one’s suffering, and one’s hard work will result in a just reward. It is obvious why this type of thinking is a distortion – how many examples can you think of, just within the realm of your personal acquaintances, where hard work and sacrifice did not pay off? Sometimes no matter how hard we work or how much we sacrifice, we will not achieve what we hope to achieve. To think otherwise is a potentially damaging pattern of thought that can result in disappointment, frustration, anger, and even depression when the awaited reward does not materialize.

It's easy at times to feel like we're not getting what we deserve. Why didn't I get that promotion at work when I worked so hard? Why doesn't this person want to date me when I've worked so hard at being his friend?

The best way I can think of in combating this cognitive distortion is to simply take things as they come. Realize that sometimes people get what they deserve and sometimes they do not. Realize that your hard work and sacrifices may not result in a reward. Don't see yourself as "deserving" something, but instead appreciate the positive things that come your way, and don't feel resentful when you feel like you're not getting rewarded in the way you feel you deserve.

This is the last of my series on cognitive distortions. If you're interested in reading the entire series, you can do so by going to the following link: Cognitive Distortions.

Thanks for reading.

Improving Mental Health: Always Being Right

This post is part of a series about cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

A common cognitive distortion is Always Being Right. The PositivePsychologyProgram website says the following about Always Being Right:

Perfectionists and those struggling with Imposter Syndrome will recognize this distortion – it is the belief that we must always be right, correct, or accurate. With this distortion, the idea that we could be wrong is absolutely unacceptable, and we will fight to the metaphorical death to prove that we are right. For example, the internet commenters who spend hours arguing with each other over an opinion or political issue far beyond the point where reasonable individuals would conclude that they should “agree to disagree” are engaging in the “Always Being Right” distortion. To them, it is not simply a matter of a difference of opinion, it is an intellectual battle that must be won at all costs.

This cognitive distortion affects my mental health indirectly. I rarely engage in political discussions on social media for a couple reasons. First, my Facebook friends generally fall into two categories: those I agree with politically and those I don't. I don't see a lot of in between, so any political discussion I get into is either argumentative or falls into an echo chamber, and when there's so little chance anyone's mind is going to be changed, it's just not worth it. Secondly, it just makes me anxious. I generally don't like getting into arguments with friends and family, and in that regard it doesn't really matter who's right.

So, spending time trying to prove I'm right is neither productive nor good for my mental health. Also, it's healthy to look at one's own opinions and beliefs and not be afraid to change them when there is information to the contrary.

Thanks for reading.

Improving Mental Health: Personalization

This post is part of a series about cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

The PositivePsychologyProgram website describes the Personalization distortion as:

taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself for no logical reason to believe you are to blame. This distortion covers a wide range of situations, from assuming you are the reason a friend did not enjoy the girl’s night out because of you, to the more severe examples of believing that you are the cause for every instance of moodiness or irritation in those around you.

I see this one most commonly in relationships. How often have you found yourself asking someone, or thinking, "Are you mad at me?" I think it's not at all unusual to deal with Personalization, especially if you have past experiences where you were blamed for things that were not your fault.

Like many of the other cognitive distortions, Personalization can be attacked with facts. Rather than assign yourself blame for every negative situation that arises, find other reasons why someone's behavior is negative that don't involve your.

Unresolved conflict can also be a reason for Personalization. Rather than let conflict fester and assign yourself all the blame for a disagreement, find positive ways for resolving that conflict. A good resource for resolving conflict can be found at the Huffington Post Life Blog, "10 Tips for Resolving Conflict." A key quote for this article: "If handled effectively, conflict can be an opportunity for learning, growth and positive change."

Don't let Personalization control your relationships and self-esteem. Believing you are always at fault will lead to depression and anxiety about your relationships. Take control and instead find ways to depersonalize and empower yourself.

Thanks for reading.

Improving Mental Health - Should Statements

This post is the first in a series of cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are two types of therapies I’ve used that have helped me improve my mental health. In this post I’ll focus on one of the DBT “swear words,”which is also a cognitive distortion in CBT. DBT identifies “swear words” that get us stuck in our thinking. Removing and/or replacing these words and thought patterns can improve our mental health and problem solving skills. This post will focus on "should" and "shouldn't" statements.

The PositivePsychologyProgram website describes Should Statements as:

statements that you make to yourself about what you “should” do, what you “ought” to do, or what you “must” do. They can also be applied to others, imposing a set of expectations that will likely not be met. When we hang on too tightly to our “should” statements about ourselves, the result is often guilt that we cannot live up to them. When he cling to our “should” statements about others, we are generally disappointed by the failure of the others to meet our expectations, leading to anger and resentment.

Some of this information is adapted from a packet I received in a DBT skills group. The packet is based on, “The Feeling Good Handbook,” by David Burns, and, “Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder,” by Marsha Linehan.

Of the ten cognitive distortions identified by David Burns along with others that have been added, identifying and changing "should" statements has been one of the most helpful to me when I’m feeling manic and especially when I’m feeling depressed or anxious.

Should statements when I’m manic are a problem because my mind races, and I tell myself I should be doing many things. Then, instead of completing a task, I flit from thing to thing rather than focusing on one task at a time.

It’s become a major help to me to change my “should” into, “I’d like to,” and, “I choose.” When I  do this, I’m more able to make a list and prioritize what I’d like to do. Then, instead of saying to myself, “I should vacuum the cars, deep clean the kitchen, go for a run, write three blog posts, and clean the bathroom," I can re-frame my thinking and be more realistic by deciding what I want to do first and then tell myself, “I choose to do this task.”

Eliminating should statements when I’m depressed is even more helpful. Often, depression makes me feel lethargic. I have a difficult time of getting things done, and when I make should statements, I feel even more depressed because I often don’t follow through. I also tend to overeat when I’m depressed, and “shoulding” myself with, “I shouldn’t eat so many snacks or sweets” makes me feel worse when I don’t follow through.

Changing my “shoulds,” to “I choose,”  seems simple enough, and saying to myself, “I choose to clean the bathroom,” or, “I choose to only eat two small snacks a day,” improves my chances of getting those things done. 

Should and shouldn’t are also unhelpful when dealing with others. Thinking or saying, “she shouldn’t be so argumentative,” or, “he should spend more time with me,” can lead to feelings of frustration and powerlessness. Instead, you can identify the behavior and, depending on your relationship with the person, you can ignore the behavior or talk to that person in a productive way. Here’s where an “I feel” statement is helpful. 

Say you’re talking to a close friend. You feel like she hasn’t been spending enough time with you. Instead of saying, “You should spend more time with me,” you could say, “I feel like we’re not spending enough time together.” The first statement puts the problem on your friend, and the second statement is simply stating how you feel. Your friend is much more likely to respond in a positive way when she sees how you’re feeling rather than having you say your problem (you want to spend more time with her), is her problem (she should be spending more time with you).

Throughout your day, try getting rid of your should statements. When I work at this, I definitely feel better and more empowered. I'd love to hear from you. What's a "should" statement you could change to an "I choose" or "I feel" statement?

Thanks for reading.

Improving Our Mental Health: Emotional Reasoning

This post is part of a series about cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

Emotional Reasoning is a common distortion that everyone deals with from time to time. An excellent article on emotional reading can be found on the Psychology Today website: "What is Emotional Reasoning and Why is It Such a Problem?"

The PsychCentral article, "15 Common Cognitive Distortions," says emotional reasoning:

can be summed up by the statement, “If I feel that way, it must be true.” Whatever a person is feeling is believed to be true automatically and unconditionally. If a person feels stupid and boring, then they must be stupid and boring.

Everyone does this. From your attributes as a person to your taste in restaurants, it's easy to believe that if you feel a certain way about something, it must be true. For example: if you feel like you're a boring person, you must be a boring person.

To combat this cognitive distortion, you can use facts. Let's take the boring person example. Say you feel like a boring person. As a result, you avoid social interactions because you feel like you'll just bore people. You ignore evidence to the contrary like the fact you have friends who want to spend time with you.

You also give yourself a feeling of helplessness when you think, "I am a boring person." Rather than consider things that may help you feel more confident in social situations like learning how to ask people questions, sharing things about your hobbies or interests, or talking about things you are knowledgeable about, you instead avoid social interactions altogether because you feel like you are boring.

You can apply using facts and solutions to all kinds of emotional reasoning. What facts might contradict how you feel about something? What are some solutions you could apply to change your negative feelings?

Thanks for reading.

Improving Mental Health: Fortune Telling

This post is part of a series about cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

One the distortions I deal with is Fortune Telling. The PositivePsychologyProgram website defines the Jumping to Conclusions: Fortune Telling distortion as:

A sister distortion to mind reading, fortune telling refers to the tendency to make conclusions and predictions based on little to no evidence and holding them as gospel truth. One example of fortune-telling is a young, single woman predicting that she will never find love or have a committed and happy relationship based only on the fact that she has not found it yet. There is simply no way for her to know how her life will turn out, but she sees this prediction as fact rather than one of several possible outcomes.

Fortune Telling has become less of a problem for me as I've dealt with bipolar longer, however, it still happens. When I was first dealing with mental illness, especially before being diagnosed, Fortune Telling really plagued me.

When I wasn't sleeping well, I would often tell myself that poor sleep was the norm. I would come to believe that I would never sleep well, and put that on top of already feeling tired, anxious, and often depressed, and that prediction that my sleep would always be poor became overwhelming.

Now, I've improved on avoiding fortune telling by taking things as they come. I've had enough experience with bipolar to know that episodes will happen and to tell myself during those episodes that they are not permanent.

While we all engage in fortune telling to some degree, it's important to take a step back when we start predicting the future--especially in a negative way. Living in the moment and making the best of a current situation is much more helpful than projecting into the future.

Thanks for reading.

Improving Mental Health - Jumping to Conclusions: Mind Reading

This post is part of a series of cognitive distortions I've dealt with and how changing them helps improve my mental health. Of the sixteen most common cognitive distortions (read: Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You to see all sixteen), I'll be writing on the handful of distortions that have been most helpful for me to tackle.

The cognitive distortion of Jumping to Conclusions: Mind Reading involves telling oneself that she or he knows the thoughts of others. Mind Reading is defined on the PositivePsychologyProgram website as:

the inaccurate belief that we know what another person is thinking. Of course, it is possible to have an idea of what other people are thinking, but this distortion refers to the negative interpretations that we jump to. Seeing a stranger with an unpleasant expression and jumping to the conclusion that she is thinking something negative about you is an instance of this distortion.

I sometimes fall victim to this cognitive distortion, especially during or after a hypomanic or manic episode. During those times of increased energy and increased communication, I often believe that those I've communicated with are thinking of me in a negative way--especially after the manic or hypomanic episode has ended.

With this cognitive distortion it is helpful to remember that no one can truly know what another person is thinking. I work to combat this cognitive distortion by telling myself that people have better things to do than think about me. People are generally into their own lives, and they don't spend nearly as much time as we think thinking about other people. 

Besides, mind reading other people's thoughts and emotions is a waste of time. And, if I'm really concerned about what a friend or family member is thinking about me, I can ask that person rather than worry about it.

Thanks for reading.