An Unintentional Kindness

In my last post, I wrote about my anniversary of staying out of the hospital and mentioned the support I've received from friends and family. In my next few posts, I wanted to share some stories of kindness shown to me when I've been in and out of the hospital.

Back in college I was hospitalized for the third time in eight years. There were many factors leading up to my hospitalization, but suffice to say I had severe depression.

After around a week in the hospital, I was discharged. My future sister-in-law picked me up and took me out to lunch before dropping me off at my car, and it was nice to have some normal conversation and time not eating hospital food (which was actually decent, but repetitive).

I wasn't 100% better, but after a medication adjustment and some skills classes, I was well enough to return to college. I was nervous though. Unfortunately, I still felt the stigma of being hospitalized for mental illness, and I was embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't know what to tell people, or at least how much to tell people.

At school, I met a couple of friends for lunch. We ate and chatted a little bit, and they didn't ask me anything about my mental illness or hospitalization. I didn't want to talk about it, and I was grateful they didn't ask me.

A couple days later, I said to my friend, "Thank you for just sitting with me and eating lunch. I appreciated not having to talk about the hospital."

"Well," he said, "I think most of it was that we didn't know what to say."

There's wisdom in that. It's OK to not know what to say. There's comfort in silence and simply having company. Sometimes, just being with someone is enough.

So know that it's OK to just be with someone who's hurting, whether physically or emotionally. Let them initiate discussion. If you call, it's nice to hear, "I'm thinking about you. If there's anything I can do, please tell me.”

Kindness, whether intentional or not, makes a difference. There have been many times when I've been in a hard place emotionally, and a kind word or action lifts me up. Don't let not knowing what to say or do stop you from sharing kindness.