Anxiety, Mania, and Depression: The Advantages

In my previous posts about anxiety, mania, and depression, I wrote about the difficulties that go along with these various states. While symptoms of depression, bipolar, and anxiety can be debilitating at worst and make life difficult at best, there are certain advantages that come with my bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder.

While anxiety can make it difficult to impossible to perform at work, the right amount of anxiety can actually improve work performance. I've mentioned before in a Mental Health Myths and Facts post that according to an article in the Wall Street Journal (Anxiety Can Bring Out the Best), employees with anxiety often outperform their peers.

Why is this? In many people, anxiety means fretting about completing tasks in a quality way. It also means worrying about what people think and say about them. With these worries, people with anxiety may work hard to complete a task in a way that is high quality and pleasing to their peers and supervisors. As long as the anxiety is relatively under control, employees can perform well due to increased self-scrutiny of their work.

Being bipolar can also bring about advantages. There are books and articles devoted to the subject, ranging from correlating bipolar with creative, even genius thinking (I'm not going to claim I'm a genius, but I will say that when I'm in a hypomanic or manic state, if I can stay focused, I harness some creative thinking while problem-solving and working on writing projects).

My bipolar also helps me get things done that I wouldn't normally work on. When I'm manic, I often engage in cleaning that I wouldn’t do on my own volition. Things that wouldn't normally bother me do, and I'll spend time vacuuming, scrubbing, or organizing things. The key is staying focused so I don't have ten things in various states of completion going on at once.

Depression doesn't come with obvious advantages. I hate the lethargy, lack of motivation, and weight gain that often accompanies it. Depression does, however, bring some advantages. For me, the number one advantage is creating more empathy. When I'm feeling sad for no reason, one of my strategies is counting my blessings. While this does not usually help me snap out of a depressive phase, it does, at times, motivate me to try to help improve the lives of people who don't have all the social, financial, and material blessings I do.

Being in a depressive phase can also help me appreciate the times when I'm not depressed and provide perspective for the times when I'm feeling well. When I come out of a depressive phase, I often appreciate the contentment I have as compared to when I am depressed.

So, while the various symptoms of my generalized anxiety disorder and bipolar can make life difficult, there are definitely advantages and perspectives that have been helpful and enriched my life because of these illnesses.

Thanks for reading.

Depression

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Adminstration (SAMHS), in 2016, 4.3% of adults experienced a major depressive episode that severely impaired their work or personal activities. However, even those whose activities are not severely impaired can still meet the criteria for major depression.  Here are some more statistics from SAMHS as cited on the National Institute of Mental Health (use the link for a better resolution on the graph) website:

If depression is something you or a family member struggle with, I hope this post is helpful.

In the three times I’ve been hospitalized for depression, the predominant feelings were worthlessness and anxiousness. I worried constantly about how I would get through the day. I felt anxious and guilty about my past. Mistakes I’d made, things I’d done wrong, and pasts slights or injuries done to me since I was a child bubbled into my consciousness to give me feelings of guilt, remorse, anger, and regret. I believed the world would be better off without me and that I was a burden to my loved ones.

With bipolar I, I tend to have depressive periods in winter and immediately after manic or hypomanic episodes. I also experience mixed states where the restlessness and energy of mania vacillates with the sadness and hopelessness of depression—sometimes within the same hour. Thankfully, most of my depressive episodes are short lived—usually a month or less. Within those given months, the severity of the depression varies. Some days I feel I can handle life’s tasks. Some days, I feel lethargic. Other days, sad and anxious. Still other days I feel emotionally numb.

In my next post, I'l write about some coping skills that have helped me with depression. 

Thanks for reading.

Ordinary Grace

So a while back, I said I’d be writing some posts about books I’ve listened to on the run. I’ve got several draft posts ready to go, but I’ve been wondering if my readers are even interested in posts about audiobooks.

"Ordinary Grace." It was amazing. While I don't usually listen to literary fiction while running, the mystery element of "Ordinary Grace" was compelling enough to keep the story moving and without getting too bogged down in prose.

The plot of the novel is pretty straightforward, so I really don't want to give anything away. The mystery is well-crafted and leaves the readers enough hints and misdirections to keep them guessing who-done-it.

Besides a well-crafted plot, setting and characterization are nearly flawless. The story takes place in southern Minnesota, and as a Minnesota resident who's spent some time in the area, I could completely picture the setting in my mind. For those who haven’t been to southern Minnesota, there is enough detail and description to make the novel come alive.

The characters in "Ordinary Grace" are interesting, well-rounded and believable. The novel is told from the viewpoint of an adult, but done as he looks back into his childhood. The first person narrative doesn't feel too narrow in describing the plot or the characters. As the novel moved on, I felt I was getting to know both the narrator and the supporting characters personally.

Reading this book made me search out more titles by Krueger, and I’ve really enjoyed listening to and reading his Cork O’Connor series.

If you’re interested in other posts about books, let me know. Otherwise, I’ll bag this idea.

Thanks for reading.

Coping Skills: Mania

In a previous post, I wrote about my experiences with mania and hypomania. The depression and anxiety that I deal with as part of my bipolar are frustrating and difficult, but mania and hypomania are the hardest to cope with. Here are some things I try to do to manage manic and hypomanic episodes:

• Slow down
• With mania and hypomania there are numerous things I do too fast such as:
• Talking
• Writing digital or text messages
• Completing tasks around the house, often starting several projects at once and leaving one or all of them incomplete 
• Slowing down my speech, which can become pressured, involves several strategies:
• Making an effort to listen without thinking about what I want to say while the other person is talking
• Instead of responding to someone’s story with a story of my own, ask that person a question so they can talk some more
• Sometimes, when I’m in a group conversation, I tell myself I’m not going to talk until at least three other people have talked
• Having my wife read email drafts and refraining from texting or messaging people unless they message me first
• Eat right
• Sometimes when I’m manic or hypomanic, I forget to eat. When that happens I make an effort to eat at schedule mealtimes
• There is some evidence that eating refined carbohydrates, especially sugar, can have a detrimental effect on the symptoms of bipolar
• Although it’s difficult for me, I try to set a reasonable limit on sweets such as 1 - 3 sweets a week. If it’s really getting out of control, I eliminate sweets from my diet for a set time—say a week or a month
• Exercise
• I won’t get into the details, but running has been hugely effective in managing my manic and hypomanic episodes
• My racing thoughts are free to race during a run, and I cannot over communicate these thoughts with others because I’m, well, running
• A previous post discussed tips for using exercise to manage mania, so if you’re more interested, skip to the end of, “Mania and Hypomania”

In my next post, I’ll write about some things you can do to help a loved one cope with mania. Thanks for reading.

Life Update: June and July

June and July were a blast this year. Our little buddy got to go to a vehicle fair hosted by the city of Eagan. Construction, conservation, fire, maintenance and law enforcement crews all had super cool vehicles there.

Laura was going to take him to the vehicle fair, but she got caught up at work, so I took him. He was a little sad, but once we started looking at the vehicles he forgot about it; at least, I thought he did. For over a month, he guilt-tripped mommy by asking with a sad face, "Mommy, did you go to the vehicle fair?"

Tons of other things happened in June and July, so in no particular order, some highlights:

Starting gymnastics!

Cousins on the Leckband side at my sister's son's fifth birthday

Frozen yogurt for Father's Day

A visit from our Milwaukee friends, the Griepentrogs 

Camping trip to Whitewater State Park

Camel ride at the Minnesota Zoo

Uncle Craig came to visit, and we got to go canoeing

The next set of pictures is from our weekend family camp at Camp Omega. Laura and I met there over fourteen years ago. We had such a fun and meaningful time there. We made friends, played guitar, sang songs, and worshiped Jesus.

We had a great time meeting some families, seeing our old stomping grounds, talking to the cooks who were there when we were, and interacting with the great pastoral resource person and camp staff.

"Canoeing" in the Voyageur canoe.

With his guides (they don't call them counselors anymore)

It's been a wonderful summer. The little buddy has one more week of summer preschool camp, then he's with me for a few weeks.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer. Thanks for reading.

Mania & Hypomania

Since I was feeling mildly manic about a week ago, I thought now would be a good time to write about mania. Exercising is a huge help in coping with and preventing mania, and if you want to skip reading about my history of mania, go to the end to see tips on using exercise as a coping skill. Whether you have a mental illness or not, exercise is a great way to improve and maintain your mental health.

Although anxiety and depression are difficult, mania and hypomania come with the most challenges. I experience a lot of restless, racing thoughts, and anxiety when I'm manic along with an increased desire to communicate, pressured speech, and oversharing about my personal life.

For a more detailed look at bipolar, you can read: "Types of Bipolar Disorder from WebMd," and click through the various descriptions of the different forms of mania.

I’ve had two full-blown severe episodes of mania that required hospitalization since I was 19, and a couple other episodes that didn’t require hospitalization. Hypomania is a milder form of mania, and I usually have around three episodes of hypomania per year.

The first time I had full blown mania was when I was a sophomore in college, though I’d had something similar to a manic episode when I was 15. I remember vividly the start of the mania. I was at my parents’ house on a trip home, and the first evening I was there I went out with a friend. That night I stayed up the entire night, drawing pictures. The next day a friend drove me home from my parents’ house back to college. I remember being irritable, and later she told me I was arguing with just about everything she was saying.

Things spiraled from there. That night I lay in my dorm room top bunk, unable to sleep. A drawing I’d worked on the night before became covered in more drawings with a blue ballpoint pen. The next day, I began compulsively writing in notebooks and creating "art" with the supplies from my Art 101 class. Later, when I came down from manic episode, I read what I wrote and looked at my “art,” and it was clear that they weren’t the work of a sane person.

On the second or third night I couldn’t sleep, I put on my running clothes and went for a run around the cross country course at two in the morning, hoping it would make me tired. It did not, and I did not sleep again for the third or fourth night in-a-row.

After that, things get fuzzy, though I remember quite a bit—just not in chronological order. I borrowed a friend’s truck and drove thirty minutes from Seward, Nebraska to my godparents’ house in Lincoln and spent the night there. They knew something was wrong and called my parents.

My parents came from Norfolk, Nebraska and  got me admitted to an acute psychiatric ward  at a hospital in Lincoln. A friend visited me there, but after she left, I had a meeting with a psychiatrist where I believe I called him a pill-pusher. After the meeting, I checked myself out and called my godparents to come pick me up.

The next day, the chaplain from the college came and brought me to the hospital again. At they ER they injected me with a tranquilizer because I was so manic. Later, my parents arrived with the pastor from our church. I had a good relationship with the pastor, and he had offered to help talk me into going with them. They didn't think I'd stay in the hospital of my own volition, so they brought me back home and took me to the family doctor. He prescribed a cocktail of psychotropic medications to bring me down from the manic high.

This is where things get really hazy. I know I spent more time making "art" and not sleeping much, but I don't remember a ton besides that.

I eventually came down from the manic high and ended up back at college. I saw a psychiatrist in Lincoln within a couple days and was put on a medication that worked pretty well for a number of years.

My first manic episode was by far the worst. I've had one other full-blown manic episode that required hospitalization since then, but nothing like that one.

Medication has been and most likely will be necessary to keep me reasonably sane. However, other life skills are also vital to manage and prevent manic episodes. Skills I’ve learned in DBT group therapy, staying spiritually healthy, and taking care of my physical body by eating (reasonably) healthy and exercising all help prevent and manage manic and hypomanic episodes.

Here's some quick tips for adding exercise to your repertoire of coping skills:

• Learn about the exercise(s) you're going to do or might want to do.
• Try a few types of exercise and find one you could see yourself enjoying.
• You don't have to enjoy them right away—exercise is an acquired taste.
• Ask someone at the gym to show you some machines or make a one-time appointment with a trainer (you can always do more than one if it's in your budget).
• Start a routine—exercise at the same time every day and/or the same days of the week.
• Fitness classes can be a good way to do this.
• Try to exercise at least twice a week to start and work your way up to three or more.
• I'm all for doing something to occupy your mind while you walk/pedal/etc., but I try to have over half my runs be time when I can ponder. 
• I do listen to podcasts and recorded books and music—especially if I’m working out on indoor aerobic component. 
• Watching some Netflix, TV, or whatever can help the time go by on a piece of indoor aerobic equipment.
• Listening to music/etc. outside is OK too, but I recommend having one earbud out or the volume low enough that you are aware of your surroundings. “Be careful or be roadkill” (credit: Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbs).
• Meet a friend.
• Regularly or occasionally.
• You don't have to be the same fitness level or even doing the same activity. Chatting before and after may help you be motivated.

Thanks for reading.

Coping with Anxiety

A couple days ago I didn't sleep well. Sometimes that means the onset of a manic episode. Right now it's pretty mild mania, also know as hypomania. With the hypomania comes anxiety. Practicing coping skills for anxiety also helps me cope with the hypomania. Above is an exercise I do to slow my thoughts down and calm my mind.

In my previous post on anxiety, I shared some stories about times when I’ve felt acutely anxious. I could share more, but I don’t know how helpful that would be, so I’ll only give one more example. Skip down to the end if you just want to see some coping skills.

When I was fifteen, I started dealing with a lot of mental health problems, and anxiety was one of them. The severest anxiety I’ve experienced was when I returned home after a stay in the hospital.

Panic attacks is probably how I’d best describe what would happen. Fortunately, they only happened several times, but when they did it was tough. I'd know they were coming when I started to hear my watch tick.

The panic attacks would happen to various degrees—sometimes it would be entirely internal, sometimes I would cry. Everything seemed to spin out of control in some of them—almost a kinesthetic sensation. Stressful or uncomfortable situations could bring them on, or they could come from nowhere.

Whether you feel anxiety acutely, like a panic attack, or midly to moderately anxious often, it’s much easier to prevent troublesome anxiety before you get into crisis mode. Here are some tips from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. 

• Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your head.

• Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Do keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. 

• Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks. 

• Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest. 

• Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Check out the fitness tips below.

• Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. 

• Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary. 

• Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn't possible, be proud of however close you get. 

• Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think? 

• Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way. 

• Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. 

• Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.

• Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school, or something else you can identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, and look for a pattern. 

• Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you. Talk to a physician or therapist for professional help.

I’ve tried everything on this list at least a time or two. Breathing, eating and drinking well, and exercise are what has worked best for me. I might write more on these in a future post.

Thanks for reading. 

Anxiety

Anxiety is by no means uncommon. Some synonyms include nervous, stressed, worried, apprehensive, and fearful. Anxiety goes hand in hand with things like stage fright, specific phobias, excess regrets, and worry about saying or doing the wrong things.

We all deal with anxiety in a different way, and to a reasonable degree, anxiety can be helpful. I’ll write more about the advantages of anxiety in another post, but in this post I want to share some stories of my struggles with anxiety.

Although I didn’t get an official diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder until my mid-20s, I first remember feeling acutely anxious in the third grade. At the beginning of math, we’d grade our own papers from the previous day. I would get so nervous, my stomach hurt. When I told my mother, I said, “Can I just be out of the room and have someone else grade my math?” 

When my family moved from Lincoln, Nebraska to Hawaii when I was in fifth grade, I also dealt with a lot of anxiety. Crowds would make me nervous, and going to school was especially nerve wracking. In the mornings in front of the school, students waited on the bleachers looking out over the outdoor basketball court. When I had to walk past the bleachers, I was terrified. I’d hunch my shoulders and put my head down and walk as fast as I could, not wanting anyone to look at me.

I worried about what people thought of me, and in bed at night I’d examine my words and actions of the day, worrying that I’d made myself look stupid.

Periods of anxiety came and went, and they reached their pinnacle in February of 2007 while I was in college. I no longer had health insurance, so I stopped taking my medication for bipolar. At first, I thought I was having a manic episode because I couldn’t sleep and I would wake up in the middle of the night with tons of energy.

It turned out to be depression with anxiety, not mania, and it got worse and worse. I started missing class, afraid to leave my dorm room. Finally, I was hospitalized and my medication situation improved, but I continue to deal with anxiety off and on.

The biggest thing that helped me with anxiety was a couple years ago when I attended at DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy - read about it here) group. I learned many skills to deal with anxiety and depression, and still rely on them today to help manage my anxiety.

I could write about many more specific times in my life when anxiety has been a major problem, but I want to keep this post under 1,000 words. If anyone is interested in more posts about times I’ve dealt with anxiety or how I manage my anxiety, let me know.

Thanks for reading.