Overwhelmed - Visits in the Hospital

By my most recent count, I've now been hospitalized for mental health issues six times since 1998 – a little over once every 3.5 years.

I hate the hospital. It can be scary, the furniture is usually uncomfortable, and hospital staff checking on me every half hour during the night makes it difficult to sleep.

But the thing that really bothered kme in the hospital was the boredom. There are therapy sessions and activities, but during a lot of the day, nothing is scheduled. That means filling the time with conversation (which is hard to sustain with strangers whom the only thing you have in common is being in the hospital for mental illness, but I have had some good conversation with a few other patients), TV, reading, and games. After a few days in the hospital, all those things seem rather boring.

One thing I've been overwhelmed by is the amount of visitors I've had during my stays in the hospital. Friends and family have dropped by to hang out, bring me things to do and treats to eat, and just spend time with me. Phone calls were also a welcome break from the monotony.

I've been so blessed that I've rarely had to spend more than a couple of days in the hospital without company or a call from the outside world. Without that company, the hospital would have definitely been less bearable, and I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of support I’ve received while in the hospital.

So, thank you to all those who have visited or called me while I was in the hospital. It really helped.

Understanding and Support

I’ve received a lot of support when I’ve been hospitalized and in the immediate aftermath. In the past, leaving the hospital has been a challenge. Assimilating back into a regular routine and getting back to coping with the regular stressors that come with life are not always easy.

Besides that, I’ve felt embarrassed about going to the hospital both for being there and for how I was acting immediately before the hospital. When manic, I’ve done things and said things that I really wish I hadn’t, and it’s been hard to to tell myself those things were mostly out of my control due to my illness. I’ve also been embarrassed simply because of the fact that I’m bipolar, and didn’t want people to judge me, put me in a box, expect me to act a certain way, or be uncomfortable around me.

Thankfully, I’ve received a lot of support from friends and family when I’ve left the hospital. I wrote before about how I’ve appreciated people just spending time with me and not trying to pry into what happened or how I’m feeling, but there have also been times when people have said exactly what I needed hear.

After my first trip to the hospital because of a manic episode, I was really embarrassed upon leaving the hospital. I didn’t want to tell anyone I was bipolar or that I had to take medication. Soon after I was out of the hospital, however,  two friends said just the right things to make me feel better.

One friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria when for some reason I told her about how I had to take medication and wasn’t happy about it. “It’s OK,” she said. “I have to take medications too.” She went on to tell me about a medical condition she had. “Some people have to take medication,” she said. “It’s not a big deal.”

Later, I was talking to another friend. I don’t know how it came up, but I told her I was bipolar. “I don’t really want people to know,” I said. “I’m afraid they wouldn’t want to be my friends anymore or that they’d think of me differently.”

“If they’re your friends, why would they stop being your friends or think of you differently?” she said. “If they’re really your friends, they’ll keep being your friends.

It retrospect, both of my friends were simply sharing truths with me, but at the time my embarrassment kept me from seeing things clearly. I’ve been so blessed with support and understanding that leaving the hospital has become less of a burden.

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