I Am Not Bipolar

I am not bipolar. That’s right: I’m not bipolar. If you know me well and you’re feeling a little anxiety about that statement — perhaps you're worried I've stopped taking my medication — stay with me for a moment.

For years, and even in the not-too-distant past, if someone would have asked me, “are you bipolar?” I would have said, “yes.”

Now, however, my answer would be, “no.”

The thing is, I’m not bipolar. I have bipolar.

Consider another example: a person with diabetes. They’re not a diabetic. They are a person with diabetes. What’s the difference? 

Well, if one is a diabetic than that is who they are. She or he is defined by his or her body’s deficiency in processing sugar. Instead of being defined as a mother, a caring friend, a painter, or a volunteer, instead she or he becomes defined by meals, medications, and disease management.

In much the same way, I don’t want to say I’m bipolar. Rather, I’d like to say I have bipolar. In, “Preventing Bipolar Relapse,” by Ruth White, what she had to say on this matter really hit home for me. She writes, “Bipolar is not who you are — it is an illness you have. There is more to you than an illness of the brain.”

By thinking about bipolar as something that I have rather than something that I am, I feel more in control. Bipolar is something I can manage, not something I am. Instead, I can define myself in more self-effacing ways: Christian, father, husband, teacher, blogger, and friend to name a few.

So thank you to everyone in my life who's helped define me on things other than my illness.

Be well.